Friday, March 23, 2007

"Scissors, please!"

Scissors? Why on God's green earth would I need scissors way out here? Well, sit back and I will tell you about both the Achilles heels of the finest fighting force in the world. As you are all aware, money drives everything. Money equals power in everyday society. Money equals headaches, arguments and grievances among grown men in my society. "You can have, but you cannot" is a common theme here. We are trying to outfit ourselves with quality equipment for our upcoming adventure. We are in dire need of decisions from the bosses as Father Time closes his grip around our necks and the sand in the hour glass empties. The cool kids are working feverishly to come up with the right lists of stuff. Much like a basketball player needs high-tops, we need specialty stuff too. Why scissors? To cut through the red tape that wraps us in chaos. Red tape in my line of work? Tons of it. We have three different items that we are trying to get. Each of them exactly meet our requirements, but since they don't fall in line with the idea of what is acceptable to some, the process is wrapped in red tape. Again, does it really matter what it looks like as long as it is functional? Apparently so. So, we are at an impass on what we can buy...surprise, surprise! The bad thing is that the decisions are made by people who won't even be around when we get them...oh, well.

The other heel is redundant lists. Good Lord do we make lists! List of clothing sizes, who is going on vacation and where, when they will be back, do they have a car, which sock do they put on first and what is their favorite color. Once we scramble to do these lists, disrupting the routine of over a hundred guys to complete them, we get them turned in to Guy A, who quickly figures out that this is not his responsibility to collect them, so he deletes them. About 10 minutes later, Guy B is screaming for these lists because he "has" to turn them in quickly, so we go back and do it all again. More red tape. This is where my eyeballs roll back into my head and the body hair grows again, like we talked about...

"I need a list of where everyone's 6th grade finger paintings are kept!" Sorry, I gotta go!

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Andersonville

It has been nearly a month since we said goodbye to our families and departed for some much needed training. When I left, it was hovering around 60 degrees or so and sunny, which is uncharacteristic for our region during the winter. After arriving at our destination, the weather turned on us. It has snowed, hailed, rained and has been sunny. Basically, Mother Nature is upset with us for something we have done and is throwing her worst our way. I think she called Murphy and had him throw a few punches at us as well. Tent heaters are broken, showers are cold, washers and driers don't work, mud everywhere...what those two don't realize is, this is exactly how we like it! Today, for example, it was slightly sunny when I woke up, but has now turned to snow. Oh, yeah and it is about 25 degrees outside. Perfect weather to suck in...

What is really hilarious and will make you scratch your heads in wonder is that for 4 or 5 days, the cool kids have been trying to decide what hat to wear. It is below freezing and we can't come to a decision about the most obvious choice. Baseball style hat, which offers no protection from the elements, or skiing type hat, which does. 700 Soldiers, in simulated combat conditions at night, having to look the same. Is this logical? Can you believe that we are trying to decide which is right? Some say that we are stupid for arguing when the choice is so clear, others say we are stupid for not going with "what we have always worn." You would think that educated leaders would have no problem deciding the best way, but we do! This is the part of Soldiering that absolutely drives me into a mad frenzy. My friend Dirk has labeled me "Big Angry" because when situations like this rear their heads, I go into a state where my eyeballs roll back into my head and my body hair grows a few inches in seconds and I explode; much like road rage. Just ask any of the Warrior Kings who have been on the receiving end. Not good. I didn't even need coffee during this whole thing because I was so mad, I leeched caffeine and just licked it off my arm for resupply. But is has finally been settled, much to the chagrin of many an old horse Soldier. My head is now warm.

Living together in what we now call "Andersonville" has its ups and downs. No disrespect to the original inhabitants of that terrible place in southern Georgia during the Civil War , but we have it worse. For instance, we have to eat in the mess hall (duhn, duhn, da!). Our mess hall was built by a group of locals who all have one leg shorter than the other, as it lists to the side. The downhill side. I'm not talking about a little listing, I am talking about ski run slopage. Here are some of the troubles we face. You can never, ever fill up your cup all the way as it will spill when you set it on the table. For those of you who don't like your food to touch each other, you will have troubles here. Never, ever drop your doughnut as it will spin wildly out of control and crash into the village below causing catastrophic injuries. Doughnuts have been known to reach 60 mph and maim people. The showers are absolute science labs. You must have on lab coats and PPE before showering. 12 showers for 675 to 700 people...nice! To get to the showers you have to take the A-train and the number 3 bus, then transfer to the Blue Line METRO. Once you reach the Eazy stop, you have to walk about 4 miles (bring water since there isn't any along this route). God forbid you forget your PPE! Just a few days ago, Joe Rogan was here filming our showers as an event on the most recent Fear Factor. Four of the couples on the show failed to complete this task and were eliminated...that is how cold it is. My "hootch" is leaking and cold. Sleeping under this tarp is like throwing a garbage bag over a spike strip. Or, as my friend Mell says, "like Chewbacca living with the Ewoks...it don't make no damn sense!"

We get to go home in a little while. Home, what most of us have called the Middle East on and off for the past 5 years. Reality is that we just go home long enough to kiss the wife, noogie the kids and re-pack our gear. I will never, ever call "Andersonville" home.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

The Team

I think it is important to introduce you to my Team members that I work with everyday. Some are hard-charging, cold-hearted Warriors and others are somewhat "fluffier." All of them are great guys and I have absolutely no qualms about going to combat with them. They all have little ticks that make them unique and I am sure after this, you will want to have a beer and hang out with them. Let me show you an example...
One night, while in a restaurant in Rome, Italy, we were having a nice dinner with some of these guys, a few armed national Police officers, my former boss' sister and her friend and a couple of college girls that were invited by a former Team member. After a few rounds of pasta and wine (I think the count was 22 people and 16 bottles of wine), we of course got loud. The Police got more embarrassed as we got louder and louder. Finally, the evening ended and I grabbed my boss, who was tanked, grabbed my logisitical guy, tanked as well and headed off into Campo di Fiori to another bar. One of the young ladies mentioned to another that we were absolutely crazy and she couldn't understand "what was wrong with us and why we acted so terribly." The second young lady looked her in the eye (my boss' sister) and said "Do you know who the guys are that climb through the mountains and kill the enemy?" The first young lady said, "yeah, why?" "That's them!" the sister said.
The first Team member I should introduce is SMac. He used to be the man in charge of the Team, but has since been summoned to the palace to think stuff up. A true professional and absolute concrete leader of armed men. He took this Team to new heights and I owe so much to him for his bossiness. He and I went through alot together (mostly 12-packs of Heffe Wiezens) and is a true friend. He is soon off to bigger and better things and I wish him all the luck in the world.
The Blind Mice consist of 20-somethings who are like newborns. They still think they are college students and have such a terrific advantage being in fantastic locations, such as ours. They are open, honest, egostistical, fit and drunkards who can party all night (but still sleep alone) and come and kick ass everyday. I feel like "dad" to most of them and sleep sound knowing they have my back.
The Warrior Kings are the roughest, nastiest bunch of ass kickers on earth. Born to do what they do, they are the best at it and excel every day. They are the sculptors of young men and at the same time they are wise and offer counsel, wisdom, punishment and reward all in a days work. There are three and they go at each other like lions after a lame gazelle. It makes them better at what they do. Vo-Vo is a motorcycle racer who spends enormous amounts of cash on bike parts. He has an awesome side-kick that keeps him in line when he sleeps at home. "The head" is a young man who has seen a lot. He is brash, full of piss and vinegar, dedicated and hard on the lambs. Plus, he has the biggest head on earth! Frederica is country as they come. Born and raised in Hell, he works on the leftovers from the Energizer Bunny. His claim to fame is onions. Lots and lots of onions...his farts are worse than dead rhino guts baked in the sun. The best of the three? I wouldn't even chance pitting them against each other in a poll. All of them should be paraded around for what they do everyday.
The newest member of the Team now has the CON. He comes from the land of the eight roller and has extensive experience. He is smart, funny, fits right in to the Team and you will hear more about him as we progress.
The remainder of the Team range from dullards to superstars. Warriors to ass-clowns. But, I guarantee you have never seen a group of individuals with this type of desire or a stronger work ethic. They live every day to defend freedom. It is their calling and their responsibility. Sleep well, for the members of this Team are ready and you are safe.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

One Soldiers Opinion

So I was a little anxious to get started and after my introduction I thought "why not write again?" As I said in Mission, I am a Soldier serving in faraway places...that could mean anywhere, so don't assume anything. I have been a Soldier for a long time and have witnessed my profession change numerous times. I am in the active Army and some of my comments and acronyms may be new to some, so I will try and explain as best I can. One of the numerous reasons I am doing this is to encourage others to reply to my posts with educated responses directed at learning your profession and sharing with others. I have extensive knowledge of the Army and want very badly to see it change for the better both during and after the GWOT (Global War on Terror) is over.

Let's start with the GWOT and the numerous challenges facing us currently and in the near future. First, the GWOT will eventually end and professional Soldiers who are "deployment Leaders" will force this Army into serious disrepair. We must be exceptional at leading in each environment or those "deployment Leaders" will become liabilities in the future. Secondly, our mindset is still in the 1990's. We do year-long rotation's over and over again, yet during training, we try and reinvent the wheel on everything we do. We start our training at a snail's pace and by the end of the training cycle, we are back to the level from where we redeployed. We must advance. We have smart, adaptive junior leaders who absolutely excel in the combat environment, but are leashed by some senior leaders who still believe in the "discipline means we all look the same" mentality. This must end. Discipline is subjective and probably always has been, but the school house mentality has reared its head during the GWOT. Discipline, to me, doesn't mean that the Soldiers look the same; it means that when told to shoot, they put all their training into action and kill the bad guy who is trying to kill them. Third, give us the required equipment to do our jobs. Soldiers buy equipment from online vendors because they either don't have it or can get better stuff from civilian stores. Afghanistan is at the foot of the most rugged mountain chain in the world...the Himalayas. Our equipment is made by the lowest bidder and is made for desert warfare. News Flash!!! We aren't fighting in the desert very much there anymore. We have more Soldiers in the north and east, in the Hindu Kush mountains on foot, than in the desert south. Iraq is different...patrolling in vehicles isn't humping the mountains, so the current Army gear works there in most instances...not all. But, "big Army" is "one-for-all-and-all-for-one" and Soldiers in Afghanistan are getting the same equipment as those in Iraq. Hmmm....

In the past year, our Secretary of Defense (SECDEF) Rumsfeld has resigned, as has the Secretary of the Army Harvey and the Central Command (CENTCOM) Commander (and arguably the finest General officer in many, many years) GEN Abizaid has submitted his retirement paperwork without much fanfare (some say over his disgust of Iraq). What does this say to the Soldiers about the status of our Army? To me it says "Get out before the utter failure of our decisions weighs us down." Is that the big Army message? If so, what about the little people? Am I offered a chance to "pop smoke" before it snowballs downhill and runs me over? Of course not.

I don't want you to think I am being negative about the Army overall. I love the Army and what I do everyday. I get a chance to see young men, who enlist during a time of war, fully knowing they are to be put in harms way, fighting the enemies of the US in full-up gunfights. Unbelievable courage and honor spew from these Warriors. After some horrible exeriences, they head back to the FOB (forward operating base) and talk shit to each other and laugh like school kids. Many are wounded and horribly disfigured but still support their buddy's in the field. Young men, who have more on their plates than I did as a young Soldier, volunteer for the toughest of training and beg for more. These are incredible young men who deserve everything we have to offer and we do our best to deliver it to them everyday.

When all is said and done, and I am retired and fat, I want to look into the mirror each morning with the midset that I gave everything I had to the Army. I want to feel honor, not just remember it, but taste it everyday. I want one Soldier to remember what I taught him and when he is where I am, tell his young Soldiers that his old boss taught how to be a Soldier. If that happens, I will know success.

Mission

Hey everyone! The mission of my first post is to introduce myself and my accomplices, the reason I am doing this, some ROE (rules of engagement) my hobbies and accomplishments and other such topics...here we go.

First, my name is RandyJ and I am serving my country as a Soldier in faraway places. I am married to DD and have been for nearly 11 years. I also have a young high school daughter at home who is going into the 10th grade. Her name is Buddah. The main reason I have started this eblog is to help keep my family informed of my whereabouts, daily activities and such since I am terrible at phone calls. I will post pictures (hopefully) on here from time to time and was reminded recently from a young man (who also has an eblog) the need to keep things on the DL (hush, hush) concerning my activities. It's not that I don't want you to know, it's that I can't...you understand. The ROE for this is that I won't disclose any names, places or anything else that may out others or their whereabouts and whatnot. My hobbies are anything to do with the outdoors, although I spend a majority of time there, but nonetheless I still love it. I am a mountain bike freak - anything to do with bikes I am there! I also dabble in snowboarding, but I'm not really that good yet. I love hiking and backpacking and fitness as well. I have numerous accomplishments from my career, but no one is interested in those except in my world. One of the best accomplishments I have had to date would have to be leading the younger guys into the GWOT with great success.

This forum will be used to tell tales, keep the LOC's (lines of communication) open to my family and to offer my "views from the hide site" over my long career in the military. Both tactical and nontactical. So, we're off...enjoy!