Andersonville

It has been nearly a month since we said goodbye to our families and departed for some much needed training. When I left, it was hovering around 60 degrees or so and sunny, which is uncharacteristic for our region during the winter. After arriving at our destination, the weather turned on us. It has snowed, hailed, rained and has been sunny. Basically, Mother Nature is upset with us for something we have done and is throwing her worst our way. I think she called Murphy and had him throw a few punches at us as well. Tent heaters are broken, showers are cold, washers and driers don't work, mud everywhere...what those two don't realize is, this is exactly how we like it! Today, for example, it was slightly sunny when I woke up, but has now turned to snow. Oh, yeah and it is about 25 degrees outside. Perfect weather to suck in...

What is really hilarious and will make you scratch your heads in wonder is that for 4 or 5 days, the cool kids have been trying to decide what hat to wear. It is below freezing and we can't come to a decision about the most obvious choice. Baseball style hat, which offers no protection from the elements, or skiing type hat, which does. 700 Soldiers, in simulated combat conditions at night, having to look the same. Is this logical? Can you believe that we are trying to decide which is right? Some say that we are stupid for arguing when the choice is so clear, others say we are stupid for not going with "what we have always worn." You would think that educated leaders would have no problem deciding the best way, but we do! This is the part of Soldiering that absolutely drives me into a mad frenzy. My friend Dirk has labeled me "Big Angry" because when situations like this rear their heads, I go into a state where my eyeballs roll back into my head and my body hair grows a few inches in seconds and I explode; much like road rage. Just ask any of the Warrior Kings who have been on the receiving end. Not good. I didn't even need coffee during this whole thing because I was so mad, I leeched caffeine and just licked it off my arm for resupply. But is has finally been settled, much to the chagrin of many an old horse Soldier. My head is now warm.

Living together in what we now call "Andersonville" has its ups and downs. No disrespect to the original inhabitants of that terrible place in southern Georgia during the Civil War , but we have it worse. For instance, we have to eat in the mess hall (duhn, duhn, da!). Our mess hall was built by a group of locals who all have one leg shorter than the other, as it lists to the side. The downhill side. I'm not talking about a little listing, I am talking about ski run slopage. Here are some of the troubles we face. You can never, ever fill up your cup all the way as it will spill when you set it on the table. For those of you who don't like your food to touch each other, you will have troubles here. Never, ever drop your doughnut as it will spin wildly out of control and crash into the village below causing catastrophic injuries. Doughnuts have been known to reach 60 mph and maim people. The showers are absolute science labs. You must have on lab coats and PPE before showering. 12 showers for 675 to 700 people...nice! To get to the showers you have to take the A-train and the number 3 bus, then transfer to the Blue Line METRO. Once you reach the Eazy stop, you have to walk about 4 miles (bring water since there isn't any along this route). God forbid you forget your PPE! Just a few days ago, Joe Rogan was here filming our showers as an event on the most recent Fear Factor. Four of the couples on the show failed to complete this task and were eliminated...that is how cold it is. My "hootch" is leaking and cold. Sleeping under this tarp is like throwing a garbage bag over a spike strip. Or, as my friend Mell says, "like Chewbacca living with the Ewoks...it don't make no damn sense!"

We get to go home in a little while. Home, what most of us have called the Middle East on and off for the past 5 years. Reality is that we just go home long enough to kiss the wife, noogie the kids and re-pack our gear. I will never, ever call "Andersonville" home.