"Scissors, please!"

Scissors? Why on God's green earth would I need scissors way out here? Well, sit back and I will tell you about both the Achilles heels of the finest fighting force in the world. As you are all aware, money drives everything. Money equals power in everyday society. Money equals headaches, arguments and grievances among grown men in my society. "You can have, but you cannot" is a common theme here. We are trying to outfit ourselves with quality equipment for our upcoming adventure. We are in dire need of decisions from the bosses as Father Time closes his grip around our necks and the sand in the hour glass empties. The cool kids are working feverishly to come up with the right lists of stuff. Much like a basketball player needs high-tops, we need specialty stuff too. Why scissors? To cut through the red tape that wraps us in chaos. Red tape in my line of work? Tons of it. We have three different items that we are trying to get. Each of them exactly meet our requirements, but since they don't fall in line with the idea of what is acceptable to some, the process is wrapped in red tape. Again, does it really matter what it looks like as long as it is functional? Apparently so. So, we are at an impass on what we can buy...surprise, surprise! The bad thing is that the decisions are made by people who won't even be around when we get them...oh, well.

The other heel is redundant lists. Good Lord do we make lists! List of clothing sizes, who is going on vacation and where, when they will be back, do they have a car, which sock do they put on first and what is their favorite color. Once we scramble to do these lists, disrupting the routine of over a hundred guys to complete them, we get them turned in to Guy A, who quickly figures out that this is not his responsibility to collect them, so he deletes them. About 10 minutes later, Guy B is screaming for these lists because he "has" to turn them in quickly, so we go back and do it all again. More red tape. This is where my eyeballs roll back into my head and the body hair grows again, like we talked about...

"I need a list of where everyone's 6th grade finger paintings are kept!" Sorry, I gotta go!